How to deal with difficult conversations

“The object of all discussion should not be triumph, but progress.” Joseph Joubert, essayist.

A difficult conversation occurs when we have the courage to share with other people the root of a behavior, that is, the deep reasons why we act or react in a certain way in a certain situation. In other words, it involves openness to communication with a high level of trust and respect, with the aim of discussing delicate issues that will help us break down barriers and build a new and more productive relationship between the parties. It involves revealing to the other person the thoughts, values ​​and satisfied or unsatisfied needs that make up our way of acting.

Every day you have to face difficult conversations and meetings both inside and outside the workplace. Specifically at work, situations like these can occur:

• Talk to our superiors about the need to bring about change.
• Talk to colleagues about topics they don’t want to hear.
• Reaching agreements that may be detrimental to the other party.
• Dealing with another person’s aggressive or intimidating behavior.
• Try to resolve conflicts with team collaborators.

There is no one way to handle these situations. However, the application of these four strategies helps to confront and resolve them:

1. Structure the conversation/meeting

2. Actively listen

3. Balance questions and statements

4. Use collaborative language

1. STRUCTURE THE CONVERSATION/MEETING
The first challenge is to focus the meeting. If everyone is talking about the same topic you can build areas of agreement and make progress despite having conflicting points of view.

2. ACTIVE LISTENING
For a meeting or conversation to be two-way, both parties must put the maximum effort of attention into listening to the other, with the same degree as they do when they are speaking. People who actively listen to others can have great power.

3. BALANCE QUESTIONS AND STATEMENTS
Some simple applicable techniques are the following:

• Rephrasing is very effective when we are with a person who talks a lot.
• Empathy involves “listening and verbalizing” the feeling behind what the person says.
• Those who listen attentively usually ask many questions to fully understand what is being said. These can be clarifying, for more information or confirmation
• With bodily support we express attitudes and feelings, and it has a great effect (positive or not) on the interlocutor.
• Likewise, maintaining relaxed eye contact helps emotional connection.
• Taking notes denotes interest.
• Using monosyllables encourages the speaker to keep doing it.

4. USE A COLLABORATIVE LANGUAGE
The use of collaborative language increases the probability that the message will be received and in a positive way, since it builds a bridge between the sender and the receiver.